Zeal Gone Wrong

It was one of those memorable moments, a memory for the books. A group of some thirty young people gathered in a beautiful dale in woods found on the outskirts of Cuernavaca, Mexico. Hearts hungry for the Word of God charged the atmosphere with a palpable sense of expectation. The environment was tantalizingly exciting.

Different young people took turns sharing on the topic they had been assigned. Then a visiting minister from the States, Evelio Perez, took center stage.

I was one of those young people blessed not only to be there but to participate in sharing a word. While I don't remember all Brother Evelio said, I do remember how I felt before he was even halfway through—livid.

I kept my inner turmoil hidden, but inside I was boiling with offense. How dare he? He was expounding on a beautiful truth that God had showed me! I was the one whom God had entrusted with that truth. That was "our" truth, a delicious revelation shared by God with me! How could that minister just blurt it out there like God had told him?! He stole my thunder! I was the one to whom God had entrusted this truth! No fair!

What a dork I was, right? As we say in Spanish, you don't have to study to be stupid. Just because God wraps us in His loving arms and whispers sweet truths in our ears doesn't mean we are the only ones with whom He shares that truth! After all, He is no respecter of persons—what He does for one, He'll do for another (Acts 10:34).

Another big oopsie: the pernicious thought of "my" thunder should have been a big clue that my zeal was out of whack. Shouldn't the focus be on God? Shouldn't it be His thunder? The fact that I adored the Savior who had rescued me from dank despair and broken hopes and that I trembled with the desire to serve Him and shout His wonders from the housetops did not give me exclusive rights to be the only vessel God used. And ... shouldn't He be the One to ordain who should share any of His given truths?

With the wisdom of years, I now honestly think one of God's purposes in that experience was for me to see the truth He had shown me confirmed, to strengthen me in the knowledge that even a relative newcomer like myself could hear from God Himself about the meaning of His Word. It was meant as a confirmation that newbie that I might be, I had not been mistaken in my understanding of His Word. Unfortunately, my myopic spiritual vision twisted what should have been a blessing from God into a selfish hissy fit.

You'd think I had learned a little, but, sigh ... fast forward a few years. An aspiring minister from another country prayed for a girl with an incurable blood disease. However, I found my rejoicing sidetracked by the person God used in this instance. Aside from acting like a jittery, nervous butterfly (versus the more staid demeanor of other young aspiring ministers I had come to know), the young man seemed somewhat narcissistic. In a word, he rubbed me the wrong way.

I tried to hide it, of course, but when God chose to use him in this miraculous healing I blew a gasket. Why would God use a person with such an "un-ministerial"-like personality, and a beginner, to boot, to work such a great miracle? Really, God, what were You thinking?

I vented to Auntie Trinie with whom I lived and worked in the ministry. With classic Auntie wisdom, she made me face a few facts. She had me turn to 2 Corinthians 4:7, which reads, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."

"Neenee," she said, "the bottom line is that the vessel is of the least importance. In the Bible God even used a donkey to speak. I know this young man's personality can be a little off-putting, but he's young. He'll learn along the way how to temper his exuberance. And in the meantime, who are we to tell God whom to use? If He chooses to use someone who isn't whom we would choose, doesn't that just serve to give Him greater glory? The goal was the healing. The giver of the healing is God. Just how important should the vessel be?"

Bingo! Auntie hit the proverbial nail right on the head! My anger, my "zeal" to have a minister I thought deserving of being the one to work a miracle, was simply wrong. The young girl got healed. That was the goal. That was what brought glory to God. The vessel? Not so important after all.

And my previous "zeal" for wanting to be the only one to hear an amazing truth from God? Equally off balance. It took some time, but God was eventually able to get through my hard head to show me His heart.

When two men who didn't come to Moses—as they were supposed to—for an outpouring of God's spirit on them nonetheless received the spirit of God right where they were, Joshua (my compadre in misplaced zeal) came running to Moses to complain. How dare they prophesy when they hadn't toed the line and come to the tabernacle with everyone else! The jerks! Moses, Auntie Trinie-like, gently chided him.

"And Moses said unto him, Enviest thou for my sake? would God that all the Lord's people were prophets, and that the Lord would put his spirit upon them!" (Numbers 11:29).

Moses, that meekest of men on earth, boldly spoke words revealing the heart of God. God's heart was not in limiting His blessings to a select few. His heart was in using anyone who made himself available to His Spirit.

I stand corrected.

The end of the matter is this. Seek God. Follow hard after His gifts. But if He chooses to move through someone else, we need to remember—it's not about us. It's about giving glory to Him.

Lord, forgive me for the times I have selfishly coveted being the one You use. You choose the vessel. You choose whom to use for teaching or healing. In everything and in everyone may You be the One glorified.

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31).

"Thou are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created"(Revelation 4:11).